GODAWFUL CALMNESS

by GFJF

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1.
2.
3.
04:35
4.
5.
6.
04:36

credits

released February 25, 2015

All music and lyrics written by Gijs Wilbrink, except for 'Halo Haunted', which was written by Tom Cooney.

Recorded, mixed and mastered by Zoran Krecho at Krecho Sound Studio.

Produced by Zoran Krecho, Arja Mari and Gijs Wilbrink.

Gijs Wilbrink - vocals & guitar
Arja Mari - vocals (track 1 & 6), piano (track 3)
Damjan Pejčinoski - guitar (track 1 & 3)
Zoran Krecho - drums (track 3)
Ilija Volkan - bass (track 3)
Tim Meijer - cello (track 3)
Gijs Pronk - electric organ (track 3)
Laurens Collée - singing saw (track 6)

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Track Name: When I Bail There'll Be Calmness
When I bail there’ll be nothing
No more screaming or smacking
No more throwing of dishes or cuss words
No furniture, TVs, no windows to break

You can go back to drawing
Painting pictures of role model families
Leave the black and blue colors on the palette
You know there’ll be plenty of time
You know when I bail there’ll be calmness
There’ll be nothing but calmness

You can sell all my books and my records
There’s a box in the corner of the attic with old punk rock singles
They’re gotta be worth something

You can travel the continent
Think I won't need the car
You can finally visit Berlin, Paris, London, Belgrade, Rome
And when you return there’ll be calmness
There’ll be godawful calmness

But for now I’ll just stay here
There’s no saviour for me anywhere
No oasis of solace
And like hell there’ll be calmness

When I bail there’ll be nothing
No devices unbroken
No damn phone cords untorn
No damn door in its hinges
When I leave there’ll be armageddon
But when I’m gone there’ll be calmness
There’ll be godawful calmness

But for now I’ll just stay here
There’s no saviour for me anywhere
No oasis of solace
And like hell there’ll be calmness
Track Name: I Held My Breath On The Ride Back
I learned how to smoke when I was eleven years old
Youth center volunteers didn’t pay too much attention
Called my gramps to pick me up after just two puffs
And I held my breath on the ride back

Nowadays I drive myself home
And I drove him when he got old
Dropped him off and smiled and he smiled back
And I held my breath on the ride back

Memories don’t fill the hole
They put a shiver in my bones instead
They scrape off, hollow out as I breathe
Until there's nothing left inside of me

After my grandpa deceased there was a beautiful bouquet of flowers next to the casket
It was signed “Old soldiers never die”
I begged Christ himself to give him back
And I held my breath on the ride back
Held my breath on the ride back

Memories don’t fill the hole
They put a shiver in my bones instead
They scrape off, hollow out as I breathe
Until there's nothing left inside of me

And everytime I breathe it hurts the soul
As the air widens the hole
Like a devil breathing down my neck
So I’ll forever hold my breath
Like I did on the ride back
Track Name: Deep
There’s this solemn place where I hate to go
It’s filled with concrete and dirt
Buried some things no one has to know
Hoped I’d forget its location
For my own good

But late at night when I dream of our past
Sometimes I creep out of bed
And slowly sleepwalk to the shed
Wake up sweating, shovel in hand

I cannot keep my tired arms from digging
Sometimes I smash them sore just to feel safe
‘Cause I know you’re still breathing deep in that hole

I’m trying to forget from which shithole you came
I’m trying to forget your name and your face
I’m trying to forget all the hurt and the shame

But I still see you lying with a smile on your face
As you taunt me and haunt me and push me away
I can’t count the times I imagined you weren't born
You were not in my life
Your fucking parents never met

Yet I cannot keep my tired head from digging
Sometimes I smash it sore just to feel safe
‘Cause I know you’re still breathing deep in that hole
Track Name: Mickey Was A Friend Of Mine
Mickey was a friend of mine
Though we hadn't talked in quite a while
I don't know why but we just didn't pick up the phone
But me and her were pretty close
Ten years ago we'd go to shows
Or cook spaghetti
Just stay in, lay on the couch
Rent video’s

And when she laughed the whole room laughed along
And when she laughed it seemed like everything was alright
Forget the weariness of your mind
Forget the daily dread

I know we’ll never travel back into time

We used to watch Back To The Future
One and two and three
For seven hours straight it was just Marty and Mickey and me
All those distant memories seem to pop up the last few weeks
So randomly, so sad, so haunting
So goddamn haunting

And when she laughed the whole world laughed along
And when she laughed you knew that everything was alright
Forget the weariness of your mind
Forget the daily dread

I know we’ll never travel back into time
But I’m glad she used to be a true friend of mine
Track Name: Halo Haunted
Mondegreen for meaning
A Cannibal brain
Nothing here will ever hurt you
When you've an appetite for pain

Distance and desire
Fan and eternal flame
This whole thing tastes like mercury
And a homecoming parade
Welcome home, what's your name?

Halo haunted brother
That's no saviour in the mirror
That's a borrowed voice
Always preaching to the sea
Of sublet souls

Searching for beauty
Too hard or for too long
Something breaks, there's no more ache
And those bright search lights send you blind
The bright search lights send you blind

Halo haunted brother
That's no saviour in the mirror
That's a borrowed voice
Always preaching to the sea
Of sublet souls